indira.

is the name of a woman we love.

she is a woman who has been crutial to our time here in Nepal – not only because she is our language teacher – but because she has been a warm welcome into this place.

Indira is a woman who as most women here in Nepal practice the religion of Hinduism.  She is devout and dedicated. 

I have felt most burdened for her in our time here.  My heart feels heavy with the knowledge that she doesn’t know Jesus. 

we took her out to dinner yesterday – and had to say our goodbyes to her – but during the meal we had opportunities to speak with her again about Jesus – to present the gospel.  

she has heard truth for 20 years – worked among believers – read the old and new testament – even taught from it – and yet she still performs her duties and worships a god that doesn’t respond.

our community finds the promise that God’s word does not return void to be something to cling to – and we find that  a hope to believe in. 

our prayer for her – which we gave to her in a card – is this:

‘for this reason i kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name.  I pray that our of his glorious riches he may stregthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you being rooted and established in love, may have power with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love which surpasses knowledge – that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” ephesians 3:14-19

we read this over her as she forgot her glasses to read if for herself – and so i ask you to join with us and pray for Indira.

to God’s glory may she come to know and believe the truth and have the ability to leave the traditions that are so deeply tied into her idenity – may something within her be dis-satisfied until she believes the truth.

escape.

in the first few days here i never thought the end of my time in this place would come so quickly.

however as i find myself with only about 4 weeks left i find how quickly it has come.

as time to return home has gotten closer i have found myself at times ready to leave – i found myself especially during one week quiet and just ready to leave.  i found myself wondering why i had these strong feelings so suddenly.  i found i wondered what the shift was – because although home will be a welcome thing – so much of here has become a home as well.

through times of journaling out my thoughts with Jesus - talks with my roommate – talks with my community – and just talks within my own head i came to a conclusion. 

 i was wanting an escape.   i find that as i think of what to say God is teaching me i find i sometimes don’t have the words.  there is so much – so much i want to share so much i don’t know how to say – so much i believe God is continuing to do – and yet one of the things i know he is teaching me about – is myself.

and in that last week i found myself facing some things within myself that i don’t like very much.  brokenness within myself – selfishness within myself – the reality that love out of my own self just doesn’t suffice.  i found that going home would have taken me out of these situations i find myself in that God is so graciously using to teach me.  oh the things i would miss if i could escape everything i want to. ..

i have found some different kinds of escapes in these past days as well - ones that i believe God has used to bring back a more right restored perspective about being here and facing the things inside of me that are unsightly.

they have been escapes with him. escapes with Jesus. times when i have found myself able to sit in quiet and read his truth and just soak up words about the love of God and the activness he desires to have within me.  oh how grateful i am for his continued grace and how much i desire to continue to grasp what exactly has been given to me – because i think it would take away my desire to run from things that are hard.

this week we have had some changes in our normal schedule.  my team and i have gotten to experience some new things – we got to visit an eco-village that encompasses so much that is good – we got to walk through some of the slums here and i found myself caught off guard when my sterotypes of the slums was counteracted with a vivid picture of life and community – and then we sat down for tea – and a young woman who looked as if her home was on the streets – sat not far from us – and grabbed my hand.  calvin asked her if she would like to eat – and so a plate of daal bhat was brought and i asked her to sit with us.  she didn’t speak other than the typical nepali head bobble in an answer to a question.  an occational smile would break on her face – and her dark eyes  surrounded with long eyelashes would change from a heavy look to one of life – and the light from the joy in her face in that moment would capture your gaze and cover up the dirt on her face and hands - fully there was beauty.

and i think – if i had been able to escape when i had wanted to the things i would have missed.  sittting with this woman is one of the sweetest things i have gotten to do here.  and i wouldn’t have seen her face or been able to allow her to hold my hand. i wouldn’t have been able to share in some of our families here joining us to serve, or experiencing their first restaurant experiences, i wouldn’t have been able to laugh in the mornings with my roommate, or enjoy getting tea in the mornings with my community from our neighbor…

i am glad i am here.  and as much as i am looking forward to seeing people i love so dearly. i know this is where i am supposed to be for now and i am glad i am here.

and i hope that desires to escape are replaced with times of escaping with Jesus – which will then bring me back to where i am and allow me to be fully there.

90.

square feet.

is the size of a home my team and i were welcomed into.

this room is the home of a family of four, and it is just that a home.

as the 6 of us entered, we sat on the bed that almost filled the room.

the meal we shared – was the best Indian food i have had yet, and it was all cooked on a small stove top under the bed.

i can say easily that i have never been in a home that small, and yet i can easily say that our time in that home was one of the times when i have seen the clearest picture of servanthood.  the truest feeling of being served.

these 90 square feet is one of the most visible places i have seen Jesus.

these things i love.

sacrifice.

this past weekend we went to the mountains.

i am still amazed at the things i find surround this place.

the himalayians.  their beauty and greatness.  breathtaking.

it took two buses to get to this place, two very full buses i might add, some even with chickens. but as we began the climb up the mountains, as we left the city and passed green and trees and villages and began to smell fresh air – we found the retreat from the city was a gift.

5:30 we woke up to climb a small hill to see if the clouds would allow the mountains to be seen as the sun climed up from behind the line of snow capped peaks.  much to our delight the many mountians were able to be seen and the sun as it got higher in the sky sun-kissed the peaks to create a beauty all it’s own.  i found in the quite of the morning and the beauty of the sunrise there was a closeness to the creator, however i found too a mix of feeling as some unexpected events transpired as we gazed at this magnificance.

just behind us was a small temple.  currently Nepal is in the midst of the festival deshain.  during this festival there are a few days of animal sacrifice, as we saw some local villagers climbing the hill toting with them a number of goats we wondered what we were going to see.

you might be able to guess, put two and two together, sacrfice time + goats can only mean one thing – the sacrifice of  goats.  as the people carried the freshly sacrificed goats around the temple the blood left it’s mark, it’s covering, and i found myself wondering, as they did their ritualist traditions if what they found was satisfaction.

i found later, as i sat with my thoughts what a picture had been given.   a reminder of the ultimate sacrifice in Jesus, of the freedom i have because of the blood he shed.  the blood he shed that covers me.  i found myself thinking of this sacrifice.

i spoke with some of the nepali women i know here who have practiced for years the rituals of Hinduism, asking them if it was satisfying.  each time i asked i found the answer the same it was one of wonder, wonder of why they did what they did, wonder of why when they prayed to their gods for peace conflict within their household continued, but because their father, grand father, great grand father did these things it is what they found themselves doing the same. but when they found Jesus.

He satisfied them.  His blood covered them and there was peace.

I find that from the people here I learn much about sacrifice.  The families we find oursleves among would literally do anything for us, they live in this place of understanding sacrifice that i don’t believe i fully know yet.  i want to learn to grasp the reality of Jesus blood continually covering me.

in this place, of living in community and in a country that is unfamiliar i find that this thing sacrifice continues to come up.  i am reminded that giving up my desires and wants, my time are not natural tendincies that come out of me.  but i want them too – i want the knowledge of Jesus blood – the knowledge that it is finished to deeply seep into my soul, so that out of this sacrifice for me, i too can find sacrifice to share.

i am ever more grateful for this God of flesh.  ever more grateful that my god is not a god of stone.  ever more desiring for those around me to know that there is a God whose blood was shed, there is a God who desires to know them.

i found myself sitting in front of the majestic mountians, reading Isaiah and clinging to the words ‘abundantly pardons’  wanting to be reminded of that for myself, but also of that for the people of this nation.

because i think when i begin to grasp more fully this sacrifice – this abundant pardon for myself – this blood that was shed so that i don’t have to shed blood – then i will begin to realize that there is joy in sacrifice – that there is life in the blood – that this God of flesh has saved and covered me  – and that i can’t help but beg for the knowledge of this sacrifice for those around me.

unneeded and needed.

i have found an amazingness in the ability to love and enjoy people and a place where words can’t be shared. and i have found a beauty in the ability words have to share life with one another.

in this place.  although i can say things like ‘namaste’ hello– ‘pugyo’ enough  and i can piece together sentances about the weather, what i like or don’t like, what i need or don’t need and what time i am going somewhere…i can’t really carry on a conversation.

we find ourselves with the ammas at Prem Ghar once a week – our communication is limited, but each week we have the opportunity to sit with these women.  Often Jyoti is there to translate but this last week it was just us and them.  The time was a gift.   We found ourselves singing and praying together and laughing when something was said and not understood – laughter is universal and understood – as is a love and passion for Jesus.

but words aren’t always needed i find.  there is a beauty and a blessing in connecting through just being present. sometimes i think i am finding i like it more.

and then sometimes words aren’t enough.  when you watch a film about children who live off of the offerings of people to a god – and you find yourself walking out and among that very reality.  or you watch a film about child brides in Nepal and as you watch you find yourself surrounded by young girls who could tell you memories of when their sister was married as a child.  what do you say then to help yourself realize this reality.

and at times words are needed.

english words are  welcome, when you come home and find your spirit rejoicing or you find your spirit heavy and you have a roommate who will listen morning or night to your musings – who will feel deeply with you the things that are being felt and laugh with you the joys that are being shared.

written words that come from far away through e-mail or post are an encouragement, and they make dear people seem that much closer.

words lifted up in prayer with the community you find yourself a part of – interceeding together for those around you and those things on each others heart are a reminder of the beauty of the body of Christ.

words sung in worship.  bring my heart back to a place of rememberance – of this awesome faithful present God.

and i find myself sometimes overwhelmed with the desire to express in words the things and experiences of this place.  and in moments like now i don’t know how to do it.  but words have power. and yet presence does too – i think i am learning more about both.

not much to say.

a reminder from a friend.

He is sufficient. He is your strength when your surroundings overwhelm you. He is your love to give when you cannot communicate through words. And he has been and will continue to be your joy in the dark places.

and it is true.

i find this week not many words.  things here are becoming more and more comfortable, and more and more enjoyed.  i have been reminded of God’s good care, and the many ways in which He has prepared me for living out this time.  i shouldn’t be surprised.  but i always find a renewed amazement of the awareness God has of me and his great faithfulness.

a little of what i see.

here is just a taste of much of what fills my days here.

i find i am more and more seeing new and beautiful things here.

there is life amidst where you might not expect it.  sometimes that’s where it is the most.

second glance.

i find that i need a second glace.

it’s been almost 3 weeks since being here in this place so different than what i know.  and as i am here i find that things seem to become more and more normal, it’s just what i see everyday.  but then this week i realized.  i need a second glance.

we were told a story of a lake.  there is a lake in the mountains here, a clear, clean, see the every detail and rock on the bottom kindof lake.  a lake that you can’t really describe.  a woman saw the lake and as she looked God spoke to her and said, this is how I see Nepal, how i see Kathmandu.   I see it as clear and right and as pure as this lake.

there is beauty to be seen here, in the colors, the people, the mountains, the sounds, and yet it can so easily get lost in the dirt, and dust, the trash and pollution, the broken places and unpleasent smells, the sad stories of treatment of women, the lostness of the people without knowing God.

and the picture of the lake took me by surprise.  because i found that although i have seen some of the beauty i know also i have lived in the sadness of the dirt, the lack of hope, and i find that i need a second glance.  i need the eyes of jesus to cover my own and show me the beauty of this place, these people as he sees them this land and nation clean, his Kingdom coming to this place and this people.

i want to see it.  i want to feel it.  i don’t want to miss what is here of Jesus.

because i know he’s here.

broken. so sing.

there has been something within this week that has been broken.  something within me.  i have to say that this past week has been hard.  overwhelming. full of desire to be home, somewhere comfortable. 

i wasn’t sure how i was going to make it.  how i was going to survive if this was only a few days into my journey here.  and then i got sick.  and being sick doesn’t help these feelings of desire to be anywhere but here. 

but something broke in my weakness.  something is coming out of my desperation.  and it seems to be glimpses of redemption, glimpses of hope, and a feeling of peace. and a reminder of a reason to sing.

three days a week Bekah, Rebecca, Shona and I have the priviledge to volunteer at a place called Pashu Padi.  this is a place for the elderly, a place for those who have been left at a temple, beside the holiest river in the city, where the ashes of people are placed after they have died.   this place has been one of the things that has blessed me the most.  one of the placese where there is redemption, where there is life.

Bekah, who is my roommate here, has been such a gift to me, and i saw life and dignity through her yesterday.  Each day we have been at Pashu Padi she has fed one woman her lunch.   This woman doesn’t speak, and has a hard time keeping her head still.  I was sitting, and taking all in and then I heard something, someone was singing, and as I noticed it was Bekah, I noticed that the woman she was feeding wasn’t shaking as much as she usually does, and that things just seemed more peaceful more at rest more right.  Singing doesn’t seem like a large thing, and we often don’t think of it as something that gives someone dignity, but it did, it does, and it is one of the most beautiful things have have seen thus far.

100 years old is a women who sits along the wall, also unable to walk on her own, and yet someone is always near her, feeding, doing dishes, tucking her in, making sure she is well.  It is her husband.  He looks and acts younger and he could very easily be doing other things, but he is truly never far from his wifes side.  Rebecca and I took this woman to her bed yesterday, following the husbands lead, and as we layed her down he thanked us, and then as we walked away we watched as he gently and lovingly made sure all was right with her.  Rebecca and I both said we wish we could just watch them for more than just a moment…because the picture of love, and commitment in this couple is one of the most beautiful things of life and hope i have ever seen.

there are times of tea within the house of a believer, there are times where schedules have changed and we have been given rest, there have been times where the rain at night has quieted down the sounds that are many here, there have been times of late night heart to hearts - and in these simple moments there is peace, peace that there is someone who is in charge other than me, peace that someone deeply knows what i need. 

i think what broke in me was the difference between realizing in my head that i was here with Jesus who knows what i need and is in care over me, and actually believing that it was true. 

almost as if i forgot who i carried with me, i forgot to sing in places where it was hard.  but slowly.  i think i am beginning to rememeber that when i am weak he is strong, and that always gives me reason to sing especially when i am broken.

grace peace and love from nepal.