it’s an extra hot Indiana July this year. the humidity seems to begin to drip off your skin as soon as you step from air conditioning outside. there also is an instant fog on your sunglasses – reminding you in case you had forgotten that it’s a humid summer day. i find that there are probably only 2 places i’d like to be on days like this…either in the pool or in someplace with air conditioning.
currently i am in a place full of nice cool air admiring the sunshine from through the window just to my south. i have told more than one person lately that i am hoping to begin to blog once a week. this heat might be a key in keeping me still enough to make that goal begin to happen. so here i am, writing for this week, hoping to write again next week.
have you ever had a hard time believing things that are said to you or about you? if i were to just guess i would say that most of us could remember a time or two when words were said about us – you’re caring, genuine, beautiful, one of the best people i know/ you’re a failure, fat, ugly, slow, you have a lot to work on. obviously there are some words that we would rather hear than others, but i have found that sometimes it seems to be easier to believe the undesirable things more than the lovely ones.
i have wondered why it’s easier to believe some things said about me more than others, i know some people who really know truth about themselves and they walk in it humbly and beautifully – recognizing that these qualities – the good, true, right ones – are a mark of God evident in our living. i have also known many people who have an easier time believing that they aren’t worth much, that beauty is not a part of them, that truth in their minds about themselves is hard to come by – and i wonder what makes the difference between the two believers – between what they believe about themselves.
i have had some recent encounters with kind words said to me or about me. in the moment it’s good to hear them, wherever they are coming from – but it’s in the moments after that i have a hard time believing in their truth. i have gotten notes from friends and words from a certain boy, text messages and conversations laced with words that these people see beauty, care, genuineness, goodness and the like within me. i don’t know how to respond. i remember when i was an RA (resident assistant) in college girls struggled with believing in their worth, and one girl in particular always had an excuse or in some way tried to discount what good was being said of her. i told her that one thing she should work towards was to say thank you when something good was said of her person in hopes that she would begin to believe. it’s easier said than done.
it’s in the moments after words are spoken that i believe are crucial, because it’s those moments that begins to mold what you believe. as i was talking about this struggle in my own life i was reminded that to take all the credit for what is said is not right, however to deny what is said is also not right. the words are in some ways a means to an end. they are an exhibit. you are an exhibit of someone greater. these good things in me, in you, being noticed i believe are testimonies of God’s working. testimonies of our creator, testimonies of His great grace over us, over me. in the moments i find truth hard to believe i feel unworthy. i continue to remain imperfect, to fail and to forget the truth and yet people still see goodness in me – and that’s just it-it’s not me.-it’s the Spirit in me and i’m amazed because i continue to be used by God -thanks be to him!
i hope that you and i both become more aware. that we become people who take notice of the things being said to us or about us – to be conscious of the moments after we hear the words. if they are untrue things about us – lies that we are worthless or useless - may we deny those things and replace them with truths about our worth in a good God – and if they are true things being said that we grasp them and humbly come before the one who continues to use people like imperfect me – and praise him for what he has done.
August 1st, 2011 at 10:23 pm
Wonderfully written Laura. Someone once said to me, we should turn all of our compliments around as prayers of thanks to God. Because like you said, it is not us that people are seeing. It is the Spirit working through us. So thank the Lord for what others see in you. He is working.