the circus comes to town.

 

It’s funny the things that entertain us.  Meghan and I went to the circus.  It came to our town and was set up under a large tent accessible across a blue bridge.  We felt as if we had stepped into a different world.  Drawn towards the big tent entrance by the sound of the calliope we knew we were in the right place.  Our biggest debate of the night was whether or not to pay $4 for a hot dog.  We paid it, and we paid some more for nachos and snow cones and of course circus peanuts.  We both agreed that our food decisions for the night were good ones.  

There were tigers, and camels, elephants and a zebra.  The clowns made the kids laugh the most and the acrobats made Meghan and I learn forward with tenseness.  The sigh of relief and relaxation came as the performer came down from up high put on their high heels and walked off like every thing they had just done was the simplest thing on earth.  

I am grateful for a variety of experiences in life.  It brings about a sort of well-roundedness you can’t get from reading a book.  Here’s to the circus – and other unexpected sort of funny surreal experiences with friends. 

grow[ing]

it’s amazing how quickly children grow. these raw shots from my cell phone camera don’t capture these sweet little people.

henry & clara.

it’s a funny thing when your friends get married and then have children. funny meaning a shift, difference, a new experience – funny in the best sort of way. it’s something to watch as they enter into the newness of it all. i work with children all day, but i feel more connected to these children of my friend than i do the ones i see more often. i spent the weekend with kristin and wes, henry and clara.

they live in a big old house in ohio. they appreciate the charm held within the walls of an old house. i love being in their space with them. it’s simple time together. it’s making chocolate chip cookies and eating too many of them, homemade pizza for dinner. it’s being known through gifts of aprons and paper. it’s the easiness of conversation with a person who knows you and whom you know. it’s the simplicity of no agenda and little people’s chatter. it’s the sharing of life’s ups and downs since we last saw each other. it’s sharing in the happy happy news of a shared friend beginning something new and exciting. it’s the sharing of new books and new music for the drive home.

growth sometimes seems more visible in life or seasons than others. have you noticed that? i thought about it as i was away this weekend. i see the growth in henry and clara each time i visit, myself and my friends as adults well the change or growth in us isn’t as visible. although we can’t see it it doesn’t mean it’s not there.
i find myself amidst a season where movement or growth hasn’t seemed to be taking place very quickly, hasnt’ seemed very visible to me. it’s one of those seasons you have to trust that there is something happening that you can’t see, that i can’t see.
over and over as i look back onto different seasons of life i can see the growth, the change, the preparation. it seems so obvious and so i wonder why i sometimes find myself wondering if anything is happening in this time. there is growth happening. there is shifting and movement even if you can’t see it from the outside. we as people aren’t meant to remain stagnant but to continue in the movement of growth. just as a child continues to grow without knowing it and then all of sudden is walking and talking, i believe that more often than not those spaces where growth and movement seem invisible to us – those are the places where perhaps the most important changes and shifts are happening within us…

and i think it’s in the simple moments in places we are known and alive. in old houses with friends and babies and yummy food that we are reminded that life is moving and we find people hoping with us for what is to come…

With the energy we have,

we begin the day,

waiting and watching and hoping.

We wait,
not clear about our waiting.

But filled with a restlessness,
daring to imagine

that You are not finished yet-

so we wait,

patiently,
impatiently,

restlessly,
confidently,

quaking
and fearful,

boldly
and daring…

-walter brueggemann

space.

i told my mom today if the things that filled my day today were what i got to do for the rest of my life i’d be happy/ it would be good.  

it’s in the high 60′s today, sunny and beautiful, a lovely unusual March weather day. 

i found myself in need of extra rest today after feeling under the weather and so waking up to my body’s alarm clock was the way the day began.  i spent some time listening to a sermon, being reminded of truth.  i got ready for the day and spent some time reading.

cutting, chopping, creating a pot of soup filled the house with sweet aromas.  open windows allowed me to get occasional wafts of the herbs and spices meshing together as i sat on the front porch.  i enjoyed a bowl of soup while outside listening to the sounds of neighbor kids playing, sounds of life coming out from wintered routines.  

returning rented movies seemed like an unnecessary car ride on a day like today. a walk to return them seemed a much better option. the beauty of having time and no agenda the dog, benni, and i walked downtown and back.  benni spotted some of our neighbors outside and found that greeting them was absolutely necessary.  

one of these neighbors was Ingrid.  Ingrid and I have not officially met in my off and on 27 years of living here.  I have seen her, and I remember hearing bits and pieces about her – she’s from Germany, and her husband invented the push button radio – but other than that I hadn’t had the chance to interact with her until today.  Dogs are good tools for meeting neighbors, they greet unashamedly free.  Ingrid remembers all the neighbors from 50 years ago (she’s lived in her home for 53 years) but doesn’t know too many of the newer neighborhood members.  We carried on quite nicely, she’s intriguing, her German accent still speaks of her arrival from another country, she is full of life.  I went home, but only long enough to cut a piece of homemade black raspberry pie and take it back to Ingrid.  Pie is good for anyone I think, we talked some more of her hobby’s (reading and music) and she asked if I would like to see her library.  Inside there were books, and beyond hearing about the books I heard about her family.  She asked me more than once to come again, so I believe a chat over coffee will be in order with this new friend.  

A piece of pie and a cup of tea was accompanied by the sounds of a family singing happy birthday.  It’s my neighbor’s 82nd birthday and their door is open and all her grown children are home to celebrate.  

I find myself full from these things.  I find that things seem right.  I find that these kinds of days are full of life for me. I find myself hoping one day to share these things with a husband and a family.

 I find myself hoping that my life more often than not has space to let things like today happen.   

chin up, tummy up, feet up.

tuck float.

back float (chin up, tummy up, feet up).

kick kick kick.

put your face in the water and blow bubbles.

if you want to go to the deep end you’ve gotta do the swim test.

an odd array of phrases, although all relating to water and swimming.  they are  phrases i get to hear spoken to my two first grade classes as they participate in the 10 days or so of swimming.  

a class of 25 students.  a class of 20 students.  when swimming is done for the rooms i work in i will probably have heard these phrases 20 or so days in a row (excluding weekends).   it’s not so much the phrases though that seem to get stuck in my head – it’s the kids and how they act in the water, how their clothes end up back on them in a more haphazard way than when they first showed up to school.

 it’s there lack of fear, it’s their lack of worry about what people are thinking about the way they look or what they do.  it shows up in unexpected ways.  i watch as over and over again they jump into the water off the sides and the diving boards.  i watch as the ones who can’t swim well are being taught by the ones who sometimes can swim a bit better.  i watch as they smile and splash, as their skin gets red from smacking the water at a wrong angle.  i watch as they try days in a row to pass the swim test – not giving up until they do.  i watch a simple determination.  

perhaps my favorite thing to see after the days swimming lesson is over is when these little 6 & 7 year old people come out of the locker room.   their hair is wet and messy, tangled and dripping, the boys want mohawks and the girls want braids and pony tails.  there’s a tag showing itself right underneath someone’s chin – he’s got his shirt on backwards and inside out.  jeans are tucked into white scrunchy socks like it’s the newest fashion trend.  goggles still adorn faces as we make the trek across the street to the primary building.  we must be a sight.  

i love these images.  i love the innocence that is shown in them.  i love that there isn’t concern or time spent on the way they look as they step out of their swimming gear into their street clothes. i love that there isn’t talk or comment about inside-out shirts, or socks over jeans, or goggles on faces.  it doesn’t matter.  it doesn’t change who they are as people.  

i wonder where this changes.  when do these little people being to notice that what’s on the outside matters.  that having their jeans tucked into their socks isn’t cool. when does the noticing being, the snickering happen, when someone looks ‘different’ than what is normal, or cool, or accepted.  it just makes me wonder.  i hope that there are kids who keep their chins up – and continue to be who they are – whether who they are is culturally cool or not – i hope they set a new standard of an inside character matters mentality.  i hope they start new trends. 

i am reminded by these little people – who are so moldable – that i am a person whom they are watching.  i am sure there are people watching you too – what are we showing them?  what matters to me? what matters to you?  maybe we too need to hold our chin up and be who we really are, and wear goggles on our face outside the pool if we feel like it (i’m not saying i’m doing this – but you get the idea right?).

Saturday.

What is it about slow Saturday mornings? Saturdays that are filled with rest, and family, and coffee, and a funny radio program…

Maybe it’s the simplicity. Maybe it’s the slowness. Whatever it is I love them, and each week that I get to enjoy a Saturday like this my life feels richer.

yes please.

i saw this today – posted on a bulletin board at a church. it rings true in so many ways.

ways to bring community.
turn off your tv – leave your house
know your neighbors
look up when you are walking
greet people, sit on your stoop
plant flowers
use your library, play together
buy from local merchants
share what you have
help a lost dog
take children to the park
garden together
support neighborhood schools
fix it even if you didn’t break it
have pot lucks, honor elders
pick up litter, read stories aloud
dance in the street
talk to the mail carrier
listen to the birds, put up a swing
help carry something heavy
barter for your goods
start a tradition, ask a question
hire young people for odd jobs
organize a block party
bake extra and share
ask for help when you need it
open your shades, sing together
share your skills
take back the night
turn up the music
turn down the music
listen before you react to anger
mediate a conflict
seek to understand
learn from new and uncomfortable angles
know that no one is silent thought many are not heard
work to change this.

new beginnings.

We have entered into a new year. It’s 2012. It seems as if the end of 2011 had significant changes for me. Changes that have led to a new feeling as I begin a new year.
These past months of not writing, have been months of dating, and learning, and finding that things weren’t as I thought. It’s been a season of asking myself hard questions. A time of really looking at my heart, and wondering if what I had within me was worth trusting. I can say at the start of this new year I am not done asking questions nor am I finished working on trusting my heart but there has been movement.
It’s interesting that my last post was about a man who was moving to Indiana for me. He is a brave and courageous man for risking. He is someone who treated me with respect and value – and I am a better person because He has been present in my life. His position in my life has changed. I felt we weren’t to move forward in our dating relationship, so I ended things. It was one of the hardest decisions I have had to make. It was a decision I had to risk in. It was unexpected.
There was something within me that wasn’t at rest, and I couldn’t get past it. I have to believe that God can simply speak to me in the ways of a peaceful spirit. Are there still questions about what is to come, I said no to someone good, a man of God. Someone who I believe wasn’t the best man for me – yes there are questions but there is also a feeling of deepened trust that for me and for him there is something better – something/someone to hope for.

There was a weekend early in this new year in which people whom I didn’t know spoke works of prophecy over me – that’s not something that happens often in my life, nor is it something I see happening much around me. It was however a powerful experience, it was as if these people knew me and my heart. It was a time of enlarged perspective for me – for my life. It was a time of wonder – could those things really happen to me. These words spoken were full of great things, of big things, of life giving things. I found the ability to hope for bigger things sparked within me. I was struck with the fact that hoping for big things for other people is easier than to hope for big things for myself.
This was the beginning of something – the beginning of hoping for big things/dreams fulfilled for myself as well as others.

I read in a book this week a definition for hope – “the confident expectation that something good is coming.” In this new year I am hopeful. I feel the releasing towards movement. I am hopeful toward what God is going to do in more than just my life – but in yours as well. Here’s to walking in new places, to discovering new things, and to trusting deeply in this God who dwells within me to lead wisely in ways that don’t always make sense. May this be a year for new beginnings, ones in which there is deep rooted truth in the endless possibilities of what God has in store.

eric.

[this boy i like]
is coming to indiana. in about 2 weeks.

time stayed.

there is a richness about time stayed in one place. it seems that it is a richness being lost as our world continues to learn how to move forward, faster and faster so it seems.
still there are pockets of these rich places. you know them when you find them i think. it’s almost as if times stands still, or beauty is more evident because there is space to see it, and people and things almost jump out at you asking you to see and enjoy them.

the house i grew up in was built in the early 1920s. it’s had just a few owners in its 90 plus years of existence. my family has been in the house almost 30 years. the neighbors next door boast of over 40 years in their house.
the houses on this street are full of people who have stayed in one place for a lengthy bit of time. it might not seem that great to some who haven’t experienced it’s richness but let me give you a brief and unjust glimpse of my reminder of richness tonight.
it was a certain set of neighbors that caught my attention tonight. they often do as they are outside and visible they continue to work the land and look after what is theirs with the greatest of care. Often we share dinner time across backyards on back porches on cool late summer nights.

they teach me so much just by the way they live. he is 87, and has spent the last days re-painting his chain link fence that runs between our yard and theirs. he seems to gain life as he fingers the dirt and leaves and iris and roses. He treats each created thing as if it is a precious gem. His tender care reminds me of the care the Creator would give that which He created.
she has been a steady presence by his side. her physical body isn’t well, but tonight she asked for another ear of corn to be cooked on the grill because the first one tasted so good. they watch the life around them and get excited about what new bloom has appeared, or the bird that sits at the bird feeder. she asked him to ‘make it stop’ when a hawk flew into the yard to try to get a smaller bird just this very evening.

we watch from our deck as they ready their table and sit down, hold each others hands and bow their heads to stop and thank God for his provision, say amen and then blow each other a kiss. we watch as our dog makes his way from our yard to theirs, runs to their sides and begins to beg for their dinner. he then proudly returns with a corn cob to show off as his prize.
there is the exchange of excess summer muss melon, or too many blue berry muffins, in knowing your neighbors not much goes to waste.

all these things are richer, because not only our these dear ones our neighbors, but because of time and relationship and life shared alongside each other they have become family. it’s part of the richness of staying in one place, and others around you staying in one place too. it allows time to develop life together, if you’re willing for it to happen. i think that this home is home not just because of the house structure itself, but because of the adopted grandparents next door, and aunts and uncles across the street, who have added a deep richness to my life.

i am a better person because of them.

pirates.

i had to spice up the game of ‘pirates of the Caribbean’ life. what else to do but dress up like pirates…oh AND talk in an english accent.